The Institution of the Baby Shower

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Frankly (and I don't think I'm alone here), I hate baby showers.  The most tedious part of the baby shower​ is the part where you have to open your presents in front of everyone.  Yep; it's those obligatory orgasms that – when combined with the glacial pace of it all – really get ya down.  The thing is, while I'm generally keen to celebrate, champion, and otherwise engage in consumerism, baby shower gifts are better opened in private.​  

So what can we do to make baby showers more palatable (read: suck less)?

everyone is watching and it's a lot of pressure-

Let's journey back to Miranda's baby shower in that show that keeps on giving.

Charlotte: 'I know you said you didn't want a baby shower, but it's not too late to change your mind...'

Miranda: 'I hate baby showers.'

Samantha: 'Ugh, who doesn't?'

Miranda: 'The games, the finger sandwiches, all that enforced 'oooo-ing' and 'aaaaah-ing'.'

Charlotte: 'But think of the gifts.  It'd be a great way to get all the stuff you need...'

Miranda: 'Okay.  But no cutesy storky shit.'

Charlotte's face wilts.

Miranda: 'Just an adult, dignified lunch with presents – which I will open after everyone leaves.'  

Charlotte: 'You have to open the presents.'

Unfortunately – despite her trial lawyer prowess – Miranda does indeed end up opening pastel presents to that chorus of 'oooo-ing' and 'aaaaah-ing'.

Wouldn't it be great to not have to pretend to be interested in what Hallmark and Papyrus have to say about motherhood & newborn babies?  


Even when you've already been gifted 12 sets of receiving blankets (a baby registry item whose purpose is still unclear) you're still obligated to orgasm when you open your 13th set of receiving blankets.  Everyone is watching and ​it's​ a lot of pressure!​  

there's limited functionality here.

What's worse is, even if you do happen to love the agenda pushing onesie your law school friend gives you, it's going to be difficult to dig up the glowing commentary when you're on the 16th present.  

So why can't we just open the presents later and save the clever commentary for the thank you card like we do for weddings?  

Or, if that's too radical for now, can we pull an Irish goodbye when it gets to be present opening time at other people's baby showers?  We could just text the mother-to-be a little later with something like: 
'Sorry I had to duck out a bit early; had a hair appt.. Congrats on the baby! Those cupcakes were AMAZING!'   

Clare Naylor over at the Financial Times  might be willing to hop on board.

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