The Gluten Diaries

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Poppy and I were at Whole Foods this afternoon.  She is as good as she usually is in my black baby björn chest carrier sling thing.  I put some organic strawberries that are on sale for $2.99 in my basket.  I take 4 of the sample cherries and feel a little bad about taking more than a reasonable allotment but then decide that I should be allotted more since I shop there three times per week.  I put some Fage (pronounced Fa-yeh!) yogurts in my basket.  While en route to the chilly wine section I pause at The Good Bean Fruit & No-Nut Bar sample stand and am greeted by The Good Bean Fruit & No-Nut Bar peddler lady who is short, 40ish, thin, and wearing an athletic white baseball hat.  If I had to guess, I'd say that she does a lot of yoga.

sample lady: 'Would you like to try The Good Bean Fruit & No-Nut Bar?  It has chickpeas instead of nuts so it's packed with protein without all the calories.'

The sample lady looks down at her printed cheat sheet, then returns her gaze to me.

sample lady: 'And it's gluten free!'

me: 'But I like the gluten.  Gluten is the best part.'

The sample lady looks down at her cheat sheet.  Then she looks back up at me again, appearing confused and a bit sad.

me: 'I'm messing with you.'

The sample lady is visibly relieved, nervously smiling and chuckling.  A sample lady sidekick arrives wearing a blue top and khakis and stands next to the sample lady.  The sidekick is amused.

sample lady: 'Oh, good.  No one has messed with me today.'

me: 'But yea, I'm a gluten enthusiast.  I don't eat anything that doesn't have gluten.'

sample lady: 'A lot of people are allergic to gluten.'

me: 'Yea, I'm not sure that they actually are.  Are they all really allergic to gluten?  I'm not sure.'

It is clear that the athletic sample lady finds this comment to be blasphemous and has no idea what to say.  The idea that 20% of America's population may not actually be allergic to gluten had never occurred to her.  Poppy is squirming so I put her green binky in her mouth while putting a Good Bean Fruit & No-Nut Bar sample in my mouth.

sample lady: 'Oh.'

They watch me walk way, smiling and chewing.

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